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2007 Audi RS4

For weeks we’ve been hearing non-stop about the “Polar Vortex” – a wave of Arctic air that has crippled most of the United States. For non-meteorological types, this phenomena is both unwelcome and expensive, as cold weather has induced skyrocketing heating costs and dropped nearly a full inch of snow in some parts of the South – enough to cripple most of the area until Spring Break. In response I’d like to offer both the potential cause and the potential solution: the 2007 Audi RS4. You see, one of the things that is so much fun in a quattro is doing donuts in a parking lot. My guess is that the owner of this pristine RS4 may have gotten a little exuberant with the throttle on one of these adventures in the Great White North and viola! – instant Polar Vortex.

Okay, so that may not have been the cause. But the RS4 could be the solution. It’s got heated seats, for example, to help you through frigid mornings. It’s got all-wheel drive to help you conquer that light dusting of snow, Georgia. And if all else fails and you do get stranded, it’s about as red as red gets so search and rescue crews can find you in a hurry. This is pertinent consumer advise here! In all seriousness, the claimed 1 of 99 Misano Red RS4s is pretty darn stunning no matter what the conditions:

CLICK FOR DETAILS: 2007 Audi RS4 on eBay

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1962 Mercedes-Benz Unimog

I live in Providence, Rhode Island. Laugh, cry, shock, despair; all reasonable responses to that statement. That series of emotions also sums up the daily commute through Providence. Yes, the stories of how horrible Rhode Island drivers are tend to be true or understated even if they are spread mostly by equally bad Massachusetts drivers. A short aside which will clue you in to both Rhode Island politics and the state of driver training: when my wife went to get her driver’s test, the instructor asked if she was related to what proved to be her father. When the answer was yes, the clipboard went down and “Well why didn’t you say so!” was followed by absolutely no evaluation of driving skills. Where am I going with this? Well, I think it pretty well summarizes how people drive in Rhode Island.

What’s even more shocking, though, is the state of the roads. Ever wonder what it would be like to drive through Mosul or Baghdad? Try Providence and save yourself a long trip, though you might be more likely to get shot at here. Providence has decided that in lieu of smooth pavement they will just continually patch and repatch without the aid of such modern mechanized equipment such as asphalt layers or steam rollers. Why would they? Pull a truck up, throw some patch on the hole (sorry, China) and drive off. Job well done! Where there is smooth pavement, the roads are dotted by submerged manhole covers. How many? In a stretch of road near my home that is nearly one mile long there are approximately 100 manhole covers. Just in that mile. And none of them are level with the road surface, making the brief luxury of smooth pavement more of a suspension test than it needs to be.

To cope with the relative lack of driving skill, the “go ahead a hit me” attitude of most drivers, and the atrocious road conditions, I see only one vehicle which is truly prepared to deal with this – a Dakar-spec Mercedes-Benz Unimog:

CLICK FOR DETAILS: 1962 Mercedes-Benz Unimog on eBay

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1969 Porsche 911S

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I remember years ago my father recanting the story about how he almost bought a used Porsche 911T in the early 1970s, only for his better sense to kick in and find something a bit less expensive. Enter, then, the Fiat 124 Spider and the eternal nagging of what might have been. Frequently I consider what a great investment a car like this would have been, if it were kept in the family all these years. Then again, considering a car like this as an investment would have missed the point at the time, as we would have used it as intended. Sure to satisfy that sports car hunger, this 1969 911S for sale in New York has benefitted form a bare metal respray and a sympathetic restoration.

Click for more details: 1969 Porsche 911S on eBay

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1995 Mercedes-Benz SL320

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I’m always one intrigued by the road less traveled when it comes to cars. Maybe that’s what prompted me to post that BMW Z3 3.0i Coupe with the automatic transmission earlier in the week. Likewise, this SL320 was a more obscure choice for the SL buyer in the US market in 1995, tallying about half the sales of its V8 sibling, the SL500. The SL320 isn’t a particularly fast machine, but if you are looking for a luxurious cruiser with all of the looks, a car like this 1995 SL320 for sale in Texas would fit the bill.

Click for more details: 1995 Mercedes-Benz SL320 on eBay

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Ebony and Ivory: Two 1994 BMW 850CSis

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For there only being 225 in the country, 850CSis come across the eBay auction block fairly regularly. I’d much rather have a low-mileage one of these over any modern BMW coupe, and they’re trading hands for less than the gargantuan modern 6-series. You can go white with about 30k miles or black with about 70k miles. Whether price, color, or mileage guides your choice, you can rest assured knowing you will look – and be – way cooler in this than any E63 or F12 BMW big-coupe.

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Click for more details: Black 1994 BMW 850CSi and White 1994 BMW 850CSi for sale on eBay

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